This month’s blog topic was unanimous- marriage. Thanks to everyone that voted. If you’re interested in how to vote on my topics, you can follow me here on Instagram and engage with polls through my stories.
Let’s jump right in.
My husband and I got married last October. Marriage was an easy transition for us because we laid a strong foundation while dating. We went slow. Why? Because everything that I knew about relationships told me to go fast. I knew if I wanted this relationship to last, I had to do things differently. Our love story is a rollercoaster fairytale, which is enough for an additional blog post. For this blog, I’ll keep to sharing the key points that create an environment for our strong, loving marriage today.
- Clearing the rocks from the soil- I must be willing to work on myself first.
I cannot be a complete half of a marriage if I am coming into it less than whole. This means working on myself FIRST. How do I clear the rocks from my soil? I go to therapy. I take an active role in two support groups. I have friends outside of our marriage. I take action on my dreams and I bring an income to the table. I also listen to inspiring podcasts, read self-help books, and make time for things on my self-care list. As I’ve shared before, putting myself first is not selfish, it’s self-full. From this whole me, with clear fertile soil, a loving relationship can grow.
- Planting new seeds- I must communicate my wants/needs clearly and assertively.
My husband does NOT read my mind or pick up on subtle hints. I learned this the hard way; I would have a want/need, would beat around the bush, not get it met and then blame him and be upset. I repeated this cycle many times. Sharing after each episode enlighted me a little more each time. The root of the cycle? I believed my wants/needs were unimportant and that they would not be met, even if I asked. So, I changed the affirmation and the behavior (planted new seeds). Each new time I share my wants and needs, my husband is gentle, loving and supportive. This helps reaffirm the belief that I AM important, and my wants and needs will be met.
- Growing together- Creating a safe, supportive space for my husband to share his wants/needs.
Having my wants/needs met and respected allows me to hold space for my husband’s wants/needs, which are equally important. Being in a loving relationship means growing together, supporting each other in ups and downs, and knowing we have each other’s backs. I have learned so much respect for my husband through his gentleness and steadfast love for me and all my growing pains. Doing the same for him is just natural.
- Enjoying each other’s fruits- Having fun and enjoying each other!
Enjoying each other’s fruits… ;) We are wildly attracted to each other, there is no other way to put it. Having such a strong physical attraction between us is trust. We’re plenty fulfilled in everyway and trust each other. It’s that simple for us.
Being in this relationship has been the most challenging experience in my life. It has forced me to look at my life patterns and has given me the courage to choose to change them. My last little bit of advice? Find someone who will do anything for you, but that you love enough not to ask for it.
Thanks for reading. :)